how to protect your home from aliens

how to protect your home from aliens

the fermi paradox asks that in a universe 14 billion years old, where are all the other intergalactic lifeforms? my posed answer: theyre chilling on earth. what if aliens can shapeshift and are blending in with humans-- no, scratch that, they wouldnt even need to be humans. your dog could be an alien !

theres no way to prove it, but theres no way to disprove it either

so what if your home has been invaded by alien dogs from the intergalaxy? fear not, dear reader, for i have the solution!!!
you must perform a simple ritual.

you will need:

once you have these items prepared, you can commence the ritual

  1. start by placing your ufo-esque item on the ground in the house you wish to protect
  2. place the dna sample either on top of or if possible inside of the "ufo"
  3. organise the 3 candles in a triangle shape around the "ufo"
  4. remove the spam from its container
  5. incant the following 3 times while holding the spam in your hands: alien alien, return to your space-planien,
    rid this house of your cranium
  6. quickly throw the spam out of the window
  7. shut the window quickly

how this works is that the alien will be drawn to the ufo since its probably quite homesick, and it knows what a ufo is. thinks about it, if you were stuck on a foreign planet with none of your native tech and then you randomly saw a car, youd be quite interested in it. the candles are there because all good rituals include candels. sure, you could try it without the candles, but there is no guarentee that it will work - the aliens know a good ritual when they see one.
as for the spam, aliens are widely known for not getting the whole appeal of having various good tasting foods, so they stick with whatever has protein and sodium in it: they need sodium. once youve incanted the sitation, youll have its attention, then all youve gotta do is throw the spam out of the window and it should follow it :)

hope this helps!

Go Back To Blogs